Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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