hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
