yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
