oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
