dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
