It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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