you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
