I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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