Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
