That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
