11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize