I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Dignity is for republicans.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize