one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
