Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
