This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
