UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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