i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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