i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Of course I have a pirate flag
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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