Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
