I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just googled if crying burns calories
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
i think i just lost a toe
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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