cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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