I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
