mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
