I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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