Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
