nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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