His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
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