Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
