No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
