I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
this just has baby written all over it
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
