It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
