When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
that is very illegal...i love you.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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