Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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