i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
