Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
