there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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