Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
