so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
