apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
