Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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