We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
