when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
