Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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