I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
