she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
