they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
