super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize