You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
My pussy is not your playground.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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