I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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