Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
