Dual....:-)
I puked a lego.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
