Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
