you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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