i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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