somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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