Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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