its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
