your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
