you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
