Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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