Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
