He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
