So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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