you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
