when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
