Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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