She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize