Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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