We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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