Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize