I want to stick my p in your. b.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
