i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Randomize
