i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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