I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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