I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
