it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
