Are we in a gay sports bar?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize