i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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