Kiss
Puke
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It's blow job season.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize