I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
