She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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