Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
