Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
