i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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