Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
