New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize