There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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