I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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