smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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