We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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