im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
