our cab driver is having phone sex.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Rumble strips road head = magical
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
