I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
