I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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