if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
