Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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