pop tarts are not kleenex
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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