and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
