Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
