we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
