Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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