I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
It's official drugs can't kill me
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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