Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
