I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
