Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
